A Life of Love

Navigating the Dating Market in the Era of "Swipe Fatigue."

My AI Will Book a Date

Whitney Wolfe Herd, the brain behind Bumble, envisions a future where artificial intelligence orchestrates dating. Imagine this scenario: your AI could "meet" other users' AIs to suggest the best profiles for you, acting like a true matchmaking concierge. Half personalized service, half 'Black Mirror'-esque dystopia—is it fascinating or frightening? Hard to say. One thing is certain: traditional romance may need a rethink.

However, if the idea of an AI matchmaker managing romance seems sinister, the current reality provides little solace. It's well-documented that the onset of young people's mental health decline coincided with the advent of Facebook & Co. in 2012, but let's not forget that Tinder also launched that same year. Fast forward to 2024, and the dating scene is bordering on the tragic: according to the 12th annual Match study, 64% of users are experiencing dating burnout. More startling, nearly two-thirds of Tinder users are reportedly already in a relationship—a real cold plunge

Tinder & the Gini coefficient

Another intriguing aspect to consider is the Gini coefficient. This statistical measure, often used to assess income inequality within a population, also finds relevance in the context of Tinder. It is analogously used to illustrate the unequal distribution of interactions and likes on the platform. In other words, it highlights that the majority of interactions are concentrated among a minority of users, leaving a large portion of users with few or no interactions at all.

As always, the causes of this scourge are multifaceted.  It is easy to blame technology, dark patterns, and addictive features of apps, from endless scrolling to easy swiping and liking. But the truth also includes a monopolistic aspect: the commercialization of romantic encounters has a face, that of the Match Group. Owning dozens of dating apps and sites, from Tinder to Grindr, and including Bumble and OkCupid, this group dominates the market. And at a time when there is talk of "rewilding" the Internet — that is, restoring its digital ecosystems by promoting diversity and decentralization — it would be appropriate to also rethink diversity within the online dating universe.

Fast-life, Fast-love … 

Maybe it's also time to reconsider some toxic contemporary patterns. Are we slaves to speed? Does urgency dictate every step? In this era where books are replaced by summary apps and series are watched on fast-forward, speed appears to dominate. Want a day at an amusement park? Choose the express pass to skip the line. Feeling hungry at 11 PM? No worries, express delivery is there to rescue. And if your friends seem too "slow," why not try "friendship snacking"? In this fast life, fast love is hardly surprising. Constantly seeking new conquests, never satisfied, the spiral seems endless. The tyranny of immediacy, where "now and next" rules, shapes some choices and diminishes the depth of interactions.

Imagine a different scenario, a vision that I continue to advocate and highlight in this newsletter. Let's use AI not to speed things up further, but to offer the opportunity to slow down, reflect, and take a step back.

Consider an AI that encourages us to pause and better understand ourselves, to stop in this frenetic race... perhaps to escape a reality we dare not face: ourselves. How can we hope to be well with someone else if we are not well with ourselves?

AI at the Service of Our Humanity

Numerous AI companions such as Replika, Eva, and Kindroid are evolving, some even pushing the model further. Blush, for instance (created by the team behind Replika), focuses on the dating domain and uses AI-powered simulations to coach users on these critical aspects. This coaching aims to enable individuals to better understand themselves, grasp human interactions and psychology more effectively, and ultimately establish deeper and more meaningful connections.

This service also illustrates the emergence of other applications designed to enhance communication, particularly among couples, such as Paired. This app allows partners to connect through questionnaires, games, and relational health tracking, promoting better mutual understanding and aiding in the constructive resolution of conflicts.

This brings us back to a timeless challenge, that of our communication abilities, often identified as the main cause of relational failures. Artificial intelligence could help us overcome this challenge, but we must still desire it.

Delving deeper into our own psyche, we might uncover that it's unnecessary to chase illusions on our screens. Sologamy, a growing phenomenon on TikTok, suggests that some have found their own soul mate within themselves. So, why continue the search? By questioning our dependence on technology, this shift in focus could not only enrich our personal lives but also mend the social fractures wrought by our ceaseless pursuit of novelty. Thus, by ceasing to search, we could finally begin to find.

MD